blurb - 'Thanks so much for this; you're a real friend for helping me out. I don't feel comfortable leaving the flat for so long, not with the cats... You'll like it, it's a nice flat.'When an unnamed writer finds himself entrusted with looking after a disturbingly minimalist apartment in a nameless Mittel European city, he looks forward to a chance to write, relax and recuperate. But all too soon, and all too inevitably, things begin to go wrong. The flat is owned by his old friend, Oskar, a minimalist composer, best known for his piece, 'Variations on Tram Timetables', who turns out to be quite the perfectionist...Will Wiles' absurdist comic debut is the story of an unlikely friendship between two very different men, of alienation in a foreign city, of the quest for perfection - and of how to take care of wooden floors.Reader: Bertie Carvel. Bertie Carvel is currently playing Miss Trunchbull in the RSC's production of Roald Dahl's 'Matilda' in the West End. Abridger: Sally Marmion Producer: Justine Willett Original music: Kirsten Morrison.The beautiful wooden floor didn't have nails, it had a manicureThis story reminds me of the murder of Rizzio where the Holyrood tour guides still tell tourists that the stain on the floor is the life blood of Mary's lover.2* - Like the titular floor, this story grew old very early; what was amusing to begin with palled amazingly early.